this is some deal

August 25, 2009 | add comment

Fellas…how many times have you seen a pretty lady fawn over a puppy dog in the park? And the next thing you know, she’s chattin’ up the pup’s owner (who, by the way, isn’t the best looking of the bunch). It happens time and time again.

I’m sure you’ve thought about buying a pooch for the very same reason these guys have one: to meet girls. But let’s face it, a dog is a sizable commitment. It means training and plastic baggies and vet bills and finding someone to watch over man’s best friend when you decide to skip down to Atlantic City for the weekend.

My name is Larry Gordon, and I’m here today to present a limited time offer: The Doggone Package™.

The Doggone Package, Since 1932

The Doggone Package™ is guaranteed to get you the gal without the hassle of owning a real dog. This step-by-step guidebook and five-piece set gives you the one thing better than having a dog in the park. That is: losing a dog in the park.

So what exactly is the Doggone Package™? Well for starters, the package includes:

  1. A well-worn leash
  2. A frayed tennis ball
  3. Mutt Cologne™ (peppered with the complex hint of mixed breed)
  4. A box of Doggone ™ dog biscuits
  5. Tear Droplet™ (a patented and safe liquid that produces tears in the eyes)

You’re probably thinking, “Why the heck would I need all this stuff if I don’t have a dog?!” That’s the beauty of the Doggone Package™. These may seem foolish as standalone items, but the guidebook shows you how to use them to your advantage. It’s simple. Your goal is to pretend you lost your dog in the park. You’ll appear sad and delicate. You may even cry (with help from our tear-producing droplets). You know how much women love a sensitive man. With this no-fail system, that dame will be in your arms by dinnertime.

The Doggone Package™ includes several scenarios and tips for you to follow. For example…let’s say you’re in a tree-lined park on a sunny afternoon. Simply put a few dabs of our special Mutt Cologne™ on your neck, hold onto your leash and start yelling the name of one of the dogs we list on page 11 of the guide – Fritz, for instance. Continue to yell his name every 30 to 45 seconds. More often will seem ridiculous.

If no amiable lady takes interest in your plight, walk at least 20 yards to a new part of the park and repeat. Use the tennis ball to your advantage. Roll it towards that young woman you fancy. It’s an ideal introductory mechanism. As you apologize for hitting her flip-flop with the ball, explain that you are just looking for your poor lost dog.

We’ll teach you how to deal with unexpected moments, too…like what to do if a real dog responds to your calls (Yes, this may actually happen!). Or how to react if your new lady friend asks what kind of dog he is. Don’t worry, this and more will all be addressed in the contents of the guide.

The entire Doggone Package™ – brought to you from the makers of Kitten Caboodle – can be yours for just $24.99. Act now and we’ll include two dozen wallet sized photos of real dogs to authenticate your story.

Order today. Trust me, your guidebook will be dog-eared in no time!

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